it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
