i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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