things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
