Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
