This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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