have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Fuck appropriateness.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
