Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
