Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You were trust falling into bushes
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
