do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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