Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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