There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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