Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
