I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
