So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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