Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
