So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
