I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
