I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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