Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
