Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
