I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize