Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
