i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
