I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
