I can tuck mytits in my pants
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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