Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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