So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Someone signed my nipple.
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