He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
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