we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
