They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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