If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
