I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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