For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize