Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
