Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
