I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
