dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
