i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
