Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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