My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
