dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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