i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
