I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
