Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
PS: I just woke up from my shower
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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