Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
