If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
