I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
