There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
