am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
