I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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