i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i drank out of a bidet.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
