Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize