The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
