Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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