Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Life is so much better after having sex.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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