You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
