just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
