All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
my liver is dry heaving
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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