she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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