why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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