I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
