Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
