someone threw a dead crab at me
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
