Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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