i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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