nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
