Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
