allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
