I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
