My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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