Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
