Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
this is an emotional support booty call
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
