I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
ttyl tear gas
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
