you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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