Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
