I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You need Xanax blowdarts
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
