is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
