Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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