Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
