i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
